Having Second Thoughts

Week 54 – March 26, 2021 – My Five Year Plan

I have no bloody idea. What is my 5-year plan? Why would anyone ask me that? Gah. My life is in limbo. Who knows where I will be in 5-years never mind 5-months. Am I committed in what I do? Absolutely. Do I care about what I do? Absolutely. So, what’s the problem? I am reflecting on that. I am swamped with work and trying to carve out time that fills my cup. I don’t know how other people do it. It makes me wonder but also makes me reflect on what’s important to me and why. I’m back at that again. Obviously I have not put my finger on it. Knowing that I’m an Enneagram 8 (wing 7) and an ESTJ or ENTP (depending on context) sheds some light on why I am the way I am but I think I’m just scratching the surface. I am getting a little obsessed with developing my LOCATION STATEMENT (version 2), focussing on leadership, and “finding my place.” I have been here before. It’s time to dig a bit deeper. Being aligned to what I do and whom I’m with is so important to me. When I don’t have it, I’m left to question. Integrity and honesty are at the core of my being, yet I will give my power away or get angry or frustrated. That needs unpacking. Sometimes my triggers relate to competence, clarity, and control. All of this is a reflection of me and what bothers me. I think that is the underpinning of what’s provoking me, but why does that matter? I’ll admit, I don’t feel like I have those 3 C’s at the moment. Maybe that’s how my students feel too. I know that I’m working towards having the 3 C’s, but lately I have not been so hopeful. It’s been more than one year of COVID-19. Regardless of vaccines and the urge to get back to normal, nothing is normal and I’ve been living a life of temporary living and doing things “just for now.” I thought I could let things ride for a bit longer but now I’m feeling I need to build some roots and commit. Ugh. Another C word… COMMIT. I’m not there yet. Do I just take the bull by the horns or just stand by? I spoke to a couple of people today who inspired me but also mentored me in their own way. I should focus on that. The leadership they have provided me to focus on my 3 C’s + 1 is compelling and worth investigating. And yes, you saw that. I just made my 5-year plan into an algebraic expression. #boom