Feeling Intentional

Week 125 – August 5, 2022 – The Dust has Settled

Gosh. It’s the end of another week and the summer is almost over. Time is flying by but I am savouring every moment to rest, reflect, and goal set. I am glad to be back in Prince George from my Prince Rupert and the Lower Mainland trips. I was working during this time, but also resting and slowing down. I loved my forest bathing experience, as mentioned in my last blog post, and how I am feeling more intentional with my next steps in life. I am no longer a “floating blob” (a term that I have coined during my forest bathing experience), but I am listening to myself and intuition.

Although I could feel guilty about taking my work day a bit more slowly over the last month, but I am tying up loose ends and making plans for the upcoming year. I am forming boundaries for myself and my work, and identifying what’s important to me and make a commitment in meeting those needs so that my cup is full as I head toward the fall term. I don’t want to question myself or hypothesize what people want from me. I want to move in ways that make me happy and learning as I do. I am an experiential learner and that has not changed. I am practical, pragmatic, and love human connection. For example, today I had coffee and chats with my friends.

Who I connect with are people whom I can be authentic with. I will always remain professional with my colleagues, students, and co-workers, but want to delve deep into interests with folks who I can feel wholehearted with. I love the people whom I connected with on my trips and today for coffee. I even had a phone call today with my edu-buddy to. I have made changes to my job and letting go of what was and looking forward to what will be. I am clear about what I want to accomplish and I knowing this will helps me to create boundaries with others, my work, and myself.

With this clarity, I can be more intentional and take ownership for my actions. In past, I was more focused with what I thought others expected from me. I was looking to belong or I engaged in opportunities not knowing where it would lead me. I think that’s ok, but now I am feeling like I am in control. As I have been told by several mentors… “the only person who will take care of you is you”… “you need to be selfish to get ahead”… and “research or writing is ME TIME.” It has taken some time to fully understand what each of these people were trying to tell me and what I have realized is, I have to prioritize myself and by doing so I am honouring and valuing who I am.

I spent most of my life stepping back, serving others, or pretending to be someone I am not. I have landed. I understand now what I value, what interests me, and what I want to pursue. Signing a 3-year contract and my kid going to school in Prince George for her post-secondary studies, I am exactly where I want to be. I have a place to live, I’m with my kid, and I have a job that gives me the freedom, autonomy, and agency I deeply desire. I love to teach. I get super excited about learning. And, I am heading into the unknown and uncertain world of research and I need to vulnerable to do so.

I am excited. I am so grateful for people’s mentorship, the work and patience of my coach and therapist, and the unconditional love of my kid. I am surrounded by good people and I can make the most of every moment. I choose to be here. Yay for me!