Being in a Good Place

Well… I’ve fallen behind the blog… and truly, this is a good problem to have. I must admit, I am in a good place. It takes some time to reflect and think about what’s important. This is not to say that I have it all figured out but I am certainly on the right path. It’s funny when you make a life changing decision that it was meant to be that way. This is not about surrendering or acceptance. It’s about wholeheartedly believing that we are meant to do something and deep down inside we know what it is. Sounds flakey, I know. I would be the last person talking like this. Come on… I just found out that I quite enjoy looking at a bunch of data. Hello? Me? The extroverted, can’t keep my mouth shut kinda girl likes sifting through data and updating information? That would have never made my radar 5 years ago or even 10. Nope. Never thought.

As unpredictable and uncertain my life is right now, I am learning. I have wonderful mentors. I have many cheerleaders and supporters. I am engaged in what I love to do. I am moving forward in my pedagogical journey. I am an edu-explorer and tickled pink by what I am learning. I am humbled by who I get to work with. I love that I am autonomous in my work. It’s a nice feeling when I get excited about the little things. For example, sending out emails for a research study may not provoke many to stand up and cheer. Well, I’m doing the happy dance. I never thought that was possible. Finding my why guides my decision making. I feel purposeful and honoured to serve others as an educator, school trustee, and researcher. This is a good place to be.

This brings me to this photo. Where am I? I am standing in front of Cooks Jewelers, absolutely WET, in Prince Rupert, BC taking selfies in various places downtown. What a beautiful metaphor. I could focus on the RAIN or the closure of a long standing businesses like McLean & Rudderham. Instead, I appreciate where I came from and enjoyed my time venturing out on my own (without an umbrella) to several Prince Rupert landmarks remembering the good times and my childhood. It’s been almost 30 years since I left Prince Rupert. I am quite fond of my hometown and so happy to bump into so many familiar faces during my brief time in Prince Rupert. Had I not been doing the work that I do now, I would not have returned back to Prince Rupert to learn about all the wonderful educational programs Charles Hays Secondary School is offering in partnership with various community agencies. I am grateful.

In the end, consider life… well, in my case, professional life… an adventure. I love where I am but I don’t expect to be here for very long. For the past 5 years, I’ve been on an edu-exploration to discover my likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and what resonates with me or not. I am an experiential learner. I could have just stayed in my job 5 years ago, but I was so misaligned that I would have been on long term disability or something like that. Deep down inside I knew I was meant to do something else. It was time. I resisted. I did not follow my intuition, got sick, and quit. It has taken me 5 years to rebuild myself, restore my faith in education, and find my why. Today, I am absolutely stoked about education and the difference we can make in the learning experiences of students. This is my purpose. Everything I do is aligned to this. Will I return back to teaching? I am teaching and it’s one step at a time.

IGNITE 35

Wow. There is nothing I like more than a crowded room at the pub filled with educators cheering and supporting one another. Now this is how I like it. It was the whose who in Twitterverse in terms of BC education. Thank you #think35 team for orchestrating the inaugural #IGNITE35 event in Langley, BC. There were so many great speakers sharing a small part of his or her professional practice that he or she is passionate about. It was incredible. We call ourselves “teacher” but there was such diversity in our passions and stories. Best of all, we were all willing to be a bit vulnerable and share our story with a group of edu-strangers, yet it felt like family. I was so proud to stand beside and be with all of these people tonight. #IGNITE35 makes me proud of my story… from mathematics teacher to graduate student and school trustee. We are all making a difference in education. I ended my 5 minute talk with “be bold, be brave.” Thank you everyone. We’re doing just that! #bced #think35 #IGNITE35 #bcedchat

Coming Home

It is tough to describe what I am feeling right now… is it joy… excitement… or utter bliss? Not sure, but I’m feeling good. Tomorrow is a BIG day for me. I am debuting at St. Mark’s College as a course instructor in the Masters program. I will be faced with the challenge of wooing Catholic School educators from around the province to take a SHIFT in their practice with the New BC Curriculum in mind. Can you imagine teaching a class of adult learners who come to the table with various backgrounds, experience, roles, subject areas, grade levels, and expertise? Many are auditing the course, some are taking the course for university credit. Some of the course is delivered online while another part of it is face-to-face. Furthermore, it’s not a course about the New BC Curriculum, but it also entails assessment for learning and communicating student learning in the context of Catholic Schools. What’s super amazing is not the diversity of this group who are strangers to me… it’s the fact that these educators are choosing to be a part of this professional opportunity, they are choosing to build a learning community, and they are choosing to engage in ongoing professional development to enact change within their practice, thus the system.

Is that super cool or what? Why are they doing this? With exception of the handful of individuals who are taking this course as an elective in their Masters Program, the dozens of educators are taking this because they are ready to take on the New BC Curriculum by JUMPING IN with two feet. Crazy. What gets me stoked about this upcoming experience is, I have no idea what to expect. I am learning how to facilitate learning online with Moodle. I am creating my own academic course at the Masters level but I do not want to spook out the ones who are auditing the course. I am going to be teaching a group face-to-face over two days on campus but half of the cohort will be Skyping in. Moreover, I am trying to keep this a BYOD course to minimize photocopying and maximize what it could be like for students in the New BC Curriculum. It is not to say that the new curriculum is about being online, but it is about creating flexibility and personalize learning. Hello? I have to do this for almost 40 educators… personalize their professional learning. I am so honoured to do so.

What a great challenge and I am so grateful to be given this opportunity. My goal is to take them through this course as if they are learners of the new curriculum. In saying that, the new curriculum is what you want to make it to be. Teachers as learners will be challenged by the possible shift in pedagogy and educational thinking. What are the BIG IDEAS? What does it mean to evaluate curricular competencies? Why isn’t the content the driving force of the new curriculum? There will be many questions, I’m sure. What I do know is, I’m not giving them a standard lesson planning sheet or handout. I am not giving them the ideal way to communicate student learning. I am not deciding what is worthwhile to demonstrate student learning. This is the work of the learner. I am not giving answers. And, there is no right or wrong. So, what will it be like to take an academic risk for teachers (and school administrators) as learners… and what are they going to do about it? This is about action. We’ll see how things unfold over time. This is going to be ROCKING and well… I’m glad. #findingmyjam

Provoked Feelings

It doesn’t matter how much time has passed… it doesn’t matter how many good things that happen to you… When you don’t deal with your ‘bad feelings’ and exercise forgiveness… those ‘bad feelings’ will present themselves in the most expected times. It just happened yesterday. Too spooky. I am just in the middle of preparing my IGNITE35 PowerPoint presentation. I have to scroll through many photos and select the “right ones” to make 3 or 4 points in 5 minutes and 20 slides. I became reminiscent of my students and the relationships I had with them, but also reminded of my frustrations and reasons for leaving public education as a teacher and where I am going now. I wish the road is straightforward and clear, but it’s not.

Anyway, completing the script for my IGNITE35 presentation has been on my mind for quite some time. I want to focus on students and student learning. Last night, old feelings were provoked. With conversations with my #bcedchat co-mod colleagues on Google hangout and participating in #bcedchat, I got somewhat agitated, much like I was 5-10 years ago. Last night’s #bcedchat topic was “Encouraging Risk-Taking.” It was so clear to me during the Google Hangout conversation that there are many reasons why teachers/educators in the system hesitate to take risks in schools, thus a topic for discussion on how to encourage risk-taking in schools. I got annoyed. It had nothing to do with the #bcedchat co-mod team or the #bcedchat Twitter convo. I was just provoked and realized that some of my ‘bad feelings’ are unresolved.

On the one hand, these ‘bad feelings’ give me purpose. On the other hand, I can’t move forward if I am holding onto these ‘bad feelings’ or beliefs. I resented the fact that taking risks in education was poo-pooed on or shunned… and it still is. How do we get our students to become thoughtful and strategic risk takers in school and in life if those who are teaching them, leading them, or even governing them cannot do it themselves? The objective is to benefit student learning and student success. How do we do that if we cannot be vulnerable enough to do so? Frustrating. And when you do take a risk… a shaming process takes place to coerce you to concede, comply, or conform. Or, risk-taking becomes such a daunting task, why bother?

We want our teachers (and students) to be creative and autonomous. Taking risks is a part of the learning process. Sometimes it could be easily spinned to keep with the status quo… “this is how we’ve always done it” and “it ain’t broke, why fix it?” UGH. Or sometimes innovation or change is put upon you… why? That does not make me a risk-taker if I am assigned to do something else. What’s the why? I am not suggesting change for the sake of change. More horrible is changing and not knowing why you are changing. That would be completely meaningless. What I am saying is, if we want our students to be extraordinary, engaged, and in love with learning, then everyone in the education system has to emulate that expectation. That’s it.

No one is striving to be mediocre, average, or ordinary. A growth mindset… a culture of learning… and taking risks…. ARE ALL ALIGNED. Let’s be open to possibilities instead of hiding ourselves from failure, judgement, or shame. It’s sometimes disappointing thinking about how it could be and how it is. I encourage everyone who is a stakeholder or involved in education to TAKE A RISK… try something new… and fail, if you must… as long as the risk has the potential of benefitting student learning and promoting student success. You will never know unless try… and it is next to impossible to anticipate all probable outcomes before proceeding. That’s paralysis. Exercise your autonomy. Be collegial. Encourage Risk-Taking.

Teaching Teachers

Dreams do come true. I’ve wanted to do this for quite some time… teaching teachers. It’s when I have these moments, I am humbled with gratitude. Who would have thought? Not me. I had always wanted to do this… even when I was teaching in public schools, but it seemed almost impossible. Well, I must admit… I did teach a few professional development workshops while I was teaching secondary mathematics… and I taught at least a dozen or so workshops after leaving public schools to become an independent educational consultant. But teaching the other day to 3 elementary school staffs… facilitating their professional learning with BC’s New Curriculum… and, being a part of a learning community where teachers are learners… collaborating, questioning, and creating… September 3, 2015 was a good day for me. I was so excited to get prepared for this event. It was kind of out of my expertise. I’m not an elementary teacher by trade. I was trying something new. I facilitated the workshop instead of being the sage on the stage. And, I engaged in some really interesting conversations about teaching, learning, leading, policy, assessment, evaluation, and the list goes on. Unbelievable. What I realized is, those in education are invested in education and the students we serve. We have different pressures, different expectations, and different roles… but we all have a common goal… student success. I was inspired that day and I continue my dream by teaching teachers online with St. Mark’s College on curriculum, assessment, and evaluation. I feel so privileged to be teaching, learning, and leading. I am very grateful for these opportunities and I am having a lot of fun doing it. As each day progresses, I am beginning to realize that anything is possible. It may not work out at the time when you first ask for it… and it may not turn out exactly how you imagined it… but keep striving for your dreams and DREAM BIG. It will happen.

Looking in the Mirror

Um. No thank you. Can you believe that this photo is almost 15 years old? I cannot. It’s totally crazy. Anyway, it’s almost back to school time for K-12 and I’m in the midst of deep reflection, planning, and reconsideration. September 1st was a trigger for me. I have a goal in front of me and it freaks the hell out of me. That’s reassuring, right? Looking at this photo reminds me of the academic terror I experienced during my masters degree. I loved my program. Don’t get me wrong. However, with all of my academic hang-ups and insecurities (and we all have them) and working full-time, I was not sure if I could do it. I almost dropped out. Instead, I stopped volunteering my time with yearbook.

Looking back, I remember that learning is not suppose to be easy. Why? You’re changing. You’re transforming. You’re creating. That takes work!!! Staying in the comfort zone, expect it to be easy. The difference now with my dissertation versus my comprehensive exam and course work is that it’s all on me. No one is there setting deadlines or doing the same thing at the same time. It’s all on me to set deadlines, do the work, and get it done (if it will ever get done). I have invested almost everything into this edu-journey and now it’s either completion time or pull the plug.

Sometimes I need to take a moment like this to remember the good times, the exceptional experiences, and awesome people I have met along the way. Had I not detoured 7 years ago, I would still be teaching secondary math… maybe some science… or possibly something else like Planning 10. Not sure. Would I have changed schools? Unlikely. I am 100% thankful for everything that I have experienced so far… the ups and downs… with every moment as a learning experience (if you want to see it that way). There is no question that I have struggled from time to time, but I’ve also been inspired, motivated, and enlightened as well. I love the work that I do. And, I have to believe that everything will work out in the end. If I don’t, who will?

I know that I’m on the right path. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. When it gets challenging, it’s frightening and it’s easy to look back and wonder what if? When really, I should be looking forward, picking myself up, and asking why not? I do miss the good times of the past. I often pine for some of those moments, but I can’t go back in time. I appreciate the present. I am freaked out about the future. I’m not going to lie. Who knows where my path is heading, but I’m optimistic. I am changing. I am transforming. I am learning. Right now, I need to follow through, embrace opportunities, and do my best. Seems to be working so far. Yup, I can do it!!!

Face Your Fear

Wow. It’s already been two weeks since the Sunshine Coast Festival of the Written Arts (SCFWA). It has become one of my favourite events on the Sunshine Coast. I discovered SCFWA a few years ago. I never thought it would be an event for me to attend. I’ll admit it… I’m not an avid reader. I haven’t read a zillion fiction books for pleasure. Why would I ever go to SCFWA to watch authors talk about their books I have never read? So rude, I know. Hence, I never went. Out of curiosity, I bought a ticket to see what this SCFWA phenomenon is all about. Well, I’m hooked.

This year I intended to purchase a full-event pass. Last year I bought a one day pass. The year before I bought tickets to a few sessions. It seemed like a natural progression to the SCFWA awesomeness. Well, it was not meant to be. To make a long story short, I was unable to afford the ticket… money wise and time wise. I opted out. Sad, but deliberate with my decision. I needed to trudge through my academic writing. It was almost like I was punishing myself for not meeting my expectations. Looking back, I question this mindset. That weekend I needed some inspiration.

I got off my big EdD butt and away from my computer to purchase a ticket from SCFWA. Event 12 with Michael Christie intrigued me. How does a professional skateboarder become a writer? I love these kinds of stories. I am fascinated by those who are able to transform their lives into something else. Or maybe I’m just envious as I look for some answers for myself as I wander through my career choices and direction. So, I invested the $15 dollars and one-hour of my time. Michael Christie was awesome!!! He made me laugh. He made me cry. His story was so unexpected.

I understand why I love SCFWA. It’s like a UBC seminar or a moment of cognitive escapism to tap into the minds of writers who are also wrestling with their struggles and life’s lessons. I am learning. What I realized from Michael Christie’s SCFWA session is, face your fear. We can avoid it or we can tackle it. We can go big or go one step at a time. Either way, do something that scares you everyday. There are so many emotions, false beliefs, and stories about self embedded in fear that sometimes it almost seems impossible or way of life. For me, it’s Chapter 2.

This is the last thing I have to do before moving onto the next step of my dissertation journey. It’s not suppose to be a final draft. I am in a state of learning as I am doing. This is classic for the experiential, autodidactic learner. Do, reflect, assess, revise, and redo. I know this. My short term goal is to submit my newly revised chapters with my survey instrument. I’m almost done. Chapter 2 is freaking me out. I’ve accomplished so much this summer otherwise… I’ve just submitted a syllabus, a workshop outline, and survey test pilot for another study. With Chapter 2, I’m struggling.

Today, I’m going to do something that scares me… complete Chapter 2 and send.

Return to Passion

Taking a break from my academic writing to engage in my blog writing. I would have never thought that I would enjoy the act of writing… in my mid-40’s. This would not be my preferred activity as a child, adolescent, or young adult. I was always a bit self conscious about my reading and writing ability. I may have mentioned many blog entries ago that I did not pass English 100, I failed the English Competency Test (ECT) at UBC (twice), and took an ESL continuing education course to pass the ECT (when I only speak English). This is only one story of my reading and writing struggles. I am even surprised that I am a teacher writing her dissertation. Thus, I returned to blog to practice the act of writing. I cannot write my dissertation if I believe I cannot write.

So what’s my inspiration for today’s blog entry? My passion. When I left teaching in public schools five years ago, I was totally stoked on Assessment for Learning (AFL) and how it positively influenced student learning. I mean, I taught secondary math and students were more motivated to learn because of AFL, not grades or marks. In fact, the summative assessment should affirm what they’ve learned from AFL. That’s where the magic is. So, when I left teaching, I wanted to make a new career of it as an educational consultant. My dream was coming true and I had facilitated several AFL workshops in public and independent schools. A long story made short and two job actions later, my dream had redirected to math tutoring. Although I provide ongoing formative feedback as a tutor, I believed that AFL was no longer in my future.

Once again… who would have thought? Right now, I am preparing for a course and workshop I am delivering and facilitating in the fall. Guess what it’s about? ASSESSMENT FOR LEARNING. What??? Why??? How??? Looking back, it started out with a friend recommending me to present at a math forum at UBC. This led to an invitation back to the forum in the following year one of the keynote speakers. This lead to being asked to work on the Math K-9 Curriculum Development Team. On another pathway, I became a school trustee. With a nudge here and there, I became a member of the BCSTA Education Committee. One conversation led to another, I was recommended to represent the BCSTA on the Standing Committee on Provincial Curriculum. Finally, on a third pathway, I met some pretty amazing people while facilitating AFL workshops to teachers. Once again, another person makes a recommendation and now I’m teaching this course on curriculum, assessment, and evaluation. Guess what all of these outcomes have in common? Yup… AFL.

I thought I was saying goodbye to my passion for AFL. I was tutoring and not practicing AFL as a classroom teacher. As it turns out, I have been using AFL all along… as a tutor, curriculum writer, and school trustee. Now, I am gifted with the opportunity to teach AFL to teachers as a course instructor and workshop facilitator this fall. I have returned to my passion. As I look back, everything that I have experienced led me to this point in my career. I am returning back to teaching. I am teaching AFL as it relates to the new curriculum and communicating student learning. And, I am teaching teachers. Could I have asked for anything more? Best of all, I am the learner. I have never prepared a university level course before. I have never used Moodle as a means of teaching and learning. And, I have never facilitated a professional development workshop with elementary school teachers.

I am at the face of learning and I am totally stoked. I am excited about my dissertation writing and I am so looking forward to other professional learning experiences that lay ahead of me in my work as school trustee, research assistant, and independent educational consultant. I am absolutely thankful to my professional learning network and community. I love connecting with likeminded individuals. The last 5 years has been absolutely incredible. I just adore all those who support and encourage me to take risks in my practice and I am only mentioning a handful of edu-awesomeness I am so fortunate to be a part of. I have much gratitude and look forward to what’s to come. Yes, this is one chapter in my narrative, but I’m delighted to know that AFL continues to be a part of my pedagogical journey. #brilliant

A New Vision

This note kind of makes me giggle. It’s one thing to correct (or not correct) people when they ask me if I’m doing a masters or PhD. But this note makes me smile. Unknowingly, it’s a pleasant surprise… incorrect… but nonetheless, nice. I’ve been holding off on my new vision for quite some time thinking that I may (or may not be) on the right track (or not). Welcome to second guessing and hesitation. Yup. What does procrastination lead to? The same. Am I satisfied with ‘the same’? Umm… no. As mentioned, it’s time. At last, I can see my new vision. I may have said this in a previous blog, but I realized “my (old) vision” last April. Done. Finished. Complete. Who would have thought? Not me. I held onto that vision for more almost 10 years. Dream BIG. Think BIG. I didn’t expect that it would actually happen. It did. I’m blown away.

As much as it is exciting to realize your vision, you then become burdened with creating another one. Because once you arrive, you have an opportunity to maintain the new status quo or dream again. Well… I’m not one for the status quo for any length of time… so when I say burden, I really mean gift. I must admit, it takes time to realize what the hell you want to do next. It’s bigger than “what do you want to do when you grow up.” I am a grown up. I have a career. I turned the corner. Guess what? I’m turning the corner again. Where am I going? It’s scary… exciting… and about bloody time. I can spend many days cognitively paralyzed, but it’s time to JUMP… again. It took some time to accept it, embrace it, and love it. I’m sold!!!

As much as I think that my new vision is totally crazy and almost dream-like… I can see and feel exactly how it will unfold. It’s insane. I can feel the fabric, hear my name, and see into the eyes of people in my vision. Way too trippy, but I am encouraged by the fact that my (old) vision realization coming true, I’m stoked for the next vision. And, as soon as I realize this vision… I’m ready for the next one… and the one after that. I know that I’m moving in the direction I am suppose to… and I am totally excited. Right now I am turning the corner on my dissertation, I am facilitating a workshop in September, I am working on a research project with my supervisor, and I am instructing a graduate level course in the fall. I am reunited with some of my edu-loves… assessment, teaching, learning, and curriculum. And, I am only mentioning a few things happening this fall. Yup… 2015 is ending with a BANG.

Deep breath… Just trust your vision. What do you want for yourself? What is your dream? What are you going to do about it? I am so passionate about education. The next few steps ahead of me is only the beginning. As many times you get ‘the whisper’ that things are going WRONG… there are just as many whispers telling you when things are right. Focus on those feelings. I knew that I was on the right track a few weeks ago when I started planning for the workshop I will be facilitating. I had a potent dose of Vietnamese Iced Coffee and I could not stop imagining how the workshop would unfold. I even planned a poetry lesson. Super WEIRD… it’s not my favourite topic or subject area… but I loved the planning process. It just felt good. What inspired me to write tonight’s blog was the completion of the DRAFT plans and notes for that workshop. Now, I’m ready for my next task to complete.

Doing what you love… it’s effortless and timeless. Figure what that is for you and visualize. I love what I am doing and so happy to come to terms with my new vision. Yay… BTW: I have not disclosed what my new vision exactly is. I gave you some hints in terms of where I’m heading, but I’m going to keep my new vision to myself. Be assured that I will report to you bloggies when the new vision has been realized.

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

Finding Your Jam

What a nice reminder… Loved watching Elliott BROOD at Persephone Brewing Company in Gibsons last weekend. It was a public event but also a celebration of my friends’ 10th wedding anniversary. The event was well attended. The weather was great…. and the band was awesome. I loved how this couple celebrated this special day. I much enjoyed listening to the band and was so impressed with the sound of this 3-person band. Not seen in this photo, but Elliott BROOD played the ukuleles. The song was called The Valley Town. I just love the sound of the ukulele. It reminds me of Hawaii but it also sounds whimsical, happy, and joyous. It makes me smile.

I was reminded of my favourite pastime of JAM FINDING. I am just drawn to people who are living their passion. It is such a gift to be doing what you love… and it shows. Elliott BROOD was jamming alright. Loved watching their performance. You can see it their body language, hear it their voices, and feel it in their music. I was enjoying their jam. I wrote about this phenomenon in The Jam Effect (2011) and Found My Jam (2013). It’s funny reading old blogs. Seems appropriate to be writing about JAM once again in 2015. Hey, I’m a math educator who likes patterns. Be assured that I will likely write about this again in 2017. Just wait and see.

When reading my old blogs… I was just scratching the surface. You’ve got to dig deep to really know and understand your JAM. My jam is more than just talking to other people about their jam. And, my jam is more than just teaching, learning, and leading. That is quite a broad scope. It’s like saying that Elliott BROOD’s jam is singing, playing, and writing music. Maybe so, but I think what drives them to do what they do goes deeper than that. There is something in what they are doing that derives them great joy and happiness. This is not to say that their journey was easy or straightforward, but we are all driven by something deep down inside. This is the JAM.

So what’s my jam? Am I really willing to admit it? Whoa. The whole idea of digging deep and understanding my why kind of FREAKS me out. I am easily provoked when my why is tapped. I even sit here… stalled… as I try to find the words to articulate my why. Ultimately, every student has the right to thrive… not just survive. My passion is to find ways to enable this. Learning experiences should not be ones that kill the spirit or extinguish the light. It should be ones that inspire, motivate, and transform. No wonder I get bothered by the status quo when I know it could be better. I have no problems questioning the status quo, if it requires reassessment. I wholeheartedly endorse breaking the rules, if it makes the learning situation better. I will go against the grain, if it creates a system change to enhance student learning. I will not hide from or close my door to situations where student learning is being hindered.

I get aggravated when students feel constrained, belittled, or defeated. What a horrible place to be. Yup. This is my why… student learning and student success. I can see why I do what I do. I tutor students, I facilitate teacher professional development workshops, and I am a school trustee. This is not to mention working with the BCAMT, curriculum development, or writing my dissertation. Everything that I am doing is aligned to my WHY and it’s about finding ways to help students thrive and give them HOPE. Yes, I was doing this as a classroom teacher… for 16 years… and many others out there in my PLN who share my why are excelling in their practice. For me, I grew dissatisfied with enacting change and educational reform with 30 students at a time. This was not creating system change. I found my JAM.