Assessment AS Learning
I wonder about “Assessment as Learning” where one engages in self-reflection to self-assess one’s achievement, progress, or place of being. Reflection is an integral part of my practice, yet I find myself moving along lately without much consciousness. It’s mid-August and the summer is almost over. So, here I sit… blogging… to identify what is going well, what needs improvement, and what I need to do for my next steps.
How do we know when we are really looking at ourselves with an authentic lens? Our sense of self can easily be distorted by denial, avoidance, and insecurity. I am reading a couple of books… Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection and Parker Palmer’s The Courage to Teach. Both books tap into the inner self and talk about fear, shame, and authenticity. I look at myself and I am called to question… Am I on the “right” path?
Why am I doing what I am doing? My purpose is to find ways to enhance the students’ learning experience. I achieved this as a high school mathematics teacher when I taught in public schools, but also I am achieving my purpose with my research, school trusteeship, curriculum development, and teaching teachers. I love everything that I have learned and experienced since leaving public schools but wonder what’s next.
My sister would say, “What’s your goal?” I could never answer this. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t know or don’t want to commit. For about 10 years, I held onto a “vision” with hopes of achieving it. My vision seemed like a dream that would be difficult to attain. However, I realized that I have achieved my vision multiple times. This would explain I feel like I lost sight of where I am and where I am going.
Solace. It’s time to reimagine my next vision or goal. Much like my last vision, I don’t have specific details as to how the vision will exactly unfold, but I do have a clear picture in my mind as to what I would like to see, live, and experience. I am in the field of education and I continue to fulfill my purpose. My ‘new’ vision seems unattainable, much like the last one, but I know it will happen if I believe it can happen.
Lately, I’ve been numbing myself from my own achievements and successes. I was feeling disconnected. Shame and fear were holding me back. It’s time to embrace my new vision. On reflection, many things have gone well this summer such as facilitating workshops, presenting at a conference, and becoming a sessional instructor. What needs improvement is believing in myself and following through. I need to reignite my light again. I will commit to reading, writing, teaching, and my research.
Wow… I had no idea where this blog entry was heading, now here I am. I understand my place of being and what my next steps are. I have a new vision and I trust that with each step I am heading towards this new vision. I will continue to have a voice in education as an educator, school trustee, and mom. I will continue to be vulnerable, learn, and accept feedback. The goal is to become a better person than I was.