Ever since she was born, my daughter oozed FREEDOM CHILD.  At the hospital, moments after her birth, the nurse wrapped her up tightly in a blanket to stay warm and secure.  My daughter managed to wriggle her way out of the swaddle.  She never liked being wrapped (or smothered) in a blanket.  She didn’t like being “trapped” in her crib.  And, she doesn’t like to snuggle.  The best time to hug her is when she is almost sleeping, otherwise she wants her FREEDOM.  I remember sending her to my friend’s place for child care when I returned to work.  My daughter was just over one, her stomach was her main mode of transportation, and she muttered a few words like “muck” and “mum.”  After one day of child care, my friend reports back to me with my child’s mantra: “You’re not the boss of me.”

It is not to say that my daughter does not like rules.  She loves rules and regulations.  In fact, I would often take her aside to say, “Stop policing your friends.  You’re not the boss of them.”  Ironic, I know.  She has a huge desire for justice and values her freedom to choose and make decisions for herself.  She prides herself on being INDEPENDENT.  Just the other morning, my daughter greeted me when I woke.  “Good morning Mom!  Can I make you breakfast?  Would you like an omelette or a pancake? Doesn’t matter.  I’ll make both.”  She even made me a cup of coffee to go with.  Amazing or what?  I often think that she is my mom instead of it being the other way around.  I feel very lucky.

Why do I even bring this up?  During spring break, my daughter opted to participate in ‘hockey for girls’ with HOCKEY FOR HEROES.  I was somewhat skeptical if she would like hockey because of the equipment but inspired that she was motivated to try.  My husband plays hockey, refs hockey, watches hockey, hockey pools, and formally coached hockey… bottom line, he’s a hockey guy.  I was encouraged that my daughter wanted to play, but I was worried about the EQUIPMENT.  So much gear for my daughter to put on (and off) just to play hockey.  All I can say is, my intuition was right.  She liked playing but she was a grump before and after hockey.  I wonder why?  Freedom child.

On the other hand, my daughter loves to swim.  She has been swimming since she was a little baby.  She loves the water.  Right now, she swims four times a week.  There is minimal equipment (i.e. suit and goggles) and she is in and out of the pool with no problems.  Often, she would beg after each lesson to stay longer in the water.  If she could, she would swim every day of the week.  Seems excessive, but when you love something… why not?  She loves the freedom and the rules.  It seems like a good fit.  When her swim club coach asked if she would swim competitively, her face lit up.  

What’s my point?  When my daughter says to me… “I don’t like colouring at school. I mean, I like colouring, but you can’t colour the ocean yellow”… makes me wonder, what is her need?  She will question and test the boundaries until she understands or negotiates a deal.  She will follow the rules, but demands to know why and expects others to follow.  This behaviour could be perceived as defiant. Sometimes she gets “in trouble” for questioning or doing otherwise.  Or, this behaviour could be perceived as critical thinking or creativity.  It should be celebrated and nourished. My advice: Don’t be constrained by “the rules” or expectations.  Sometimes, rules are meant to be broken.