A New Me

Pulling Together 2010

This is one of my most favorite pictures… me and my daughter walking on the beach together.  She and my family surprised me one day in West Vancouver during the 2010 Pulling Together Journey.  The 2010 Canoe Journey was my Pulling Together experience but it also marked a significant turning point in my pedagogical journey.

It was this Journey when I had first acknowledged publicly that I was a doctoral candidate (and had been for months), it was the first time I paddled in a canoe (and I don’t know how to swim), and it was the first time I felt collective efficacy (a group of people working together towards a common goal).  The experience was transformational.  A few months after the 2010 Journey, I made a life-changing decision to leave teaching in public schools to pursue other educational opportunities and work on my dissertation.  I am still working on my dissertation, but I have encountered many educational opportunities and loving it.

When I look at this picture, I am reminded of a metaphor.  My relationship with my daughter has been in a state of change since she was born.  Once I figured out “the rules,” the rules would change.  No one sent me a memo.  I would have to adapt.  In this photo, my daughter was 7 years old.  She saw her as a little girl.  She would get the motherly death grip when we walked through Metrotown after having dim sum with my parents.  I had to know her every move.  It was my job.  She’s my little girl.  Then one day, she looks at me with disgust, pulled her head back, and says, “Mom, we’re in public.”  The rules changed.  No more walking to and from school.  No more holding hands. No more public displays of affection.  For me, those days are over.  Letting go helps her thrive to become the person she is meant to be.  Holding on frustrates her, angers me, and she becomes someone else.

What’s the metaphor?  I am changing.  I am on a pedagogical journey.  I made decisions in search for something different.  The crazy part, I am holding onto the way things were.  It’s been almost two years since I have left teaching in public schools to become a full-time graduate student and self-employed as an educational consultant.  In the 2011, I topped the polls in the municipal elections to become a school trustee.  A new me.  I am an educational leader.  I am teaching mathematics.  I am engaged in professional development.  In truth, I am living the life.  What am I holding onto?  Another big step in life and letting go.  When I hold onto ‘my story,’ I cannot thrive.  Here’s the truth, regardless of title, position, or employment… I am still a educator, a learner, a leader.  Much like my daughter, the rules are changing but she’s still ZOE.  Let it go.  Things are great.  My business is growing.  I love serving on the SD46 Board of Education.  My dissertation needs work.

Letting go of the past to become the person I was meant to be is the right thing to do.  Good bye STORY, you have expired.  Time to move on to a new story.  I do have a job.  I am teaching and learning.  I am an integral part of the community.  I am making a difference.  That’s all that matters.