Betrayal Unknown

I write this blog to work out my thoughts on past events and what I am suppose to learn from them.  Furthermore, I write them in a blog with hopes of other people learning from my mistakes, experiences, and aha moments.

With my feelings of uncertainty and a heavy heart, I am reminded of an event that happened over a decade ago.  There was a “critical incident” at my workplace.  The news of it shocked everyone (particularly ones who were not in the know).  To be truthful, I don’t think that I have ever recovered from that experience.  The critical incident was “handled” and counseling was available.  I went to one session with several colleagues, but in the end, I felt betrayed.

I worked with this person.  We were friends.  The incident happens.  The person disappears from the workplace.  Questions unanswered.  Hurt feelings.  We are no longer friends.  To talk about this person, I would rather stab needles in my eye.  For many years, I felt I had nothing to learn from this incident except for deep feelings of anger, resentment, and betrayal.  Since the incident, I have never been able to forgive this person.  I kept justifying my feelings.

Looking back at this event, I have learned something as I ponder about my current state of mind.  In my situation, the roles are reversed.  A decision was made.  Many people affected.  Both options had pros and cons.  Because of that, there are winners and losers, regardless of choice.  Now, I understand that the person from the critical incident made a decision (one I may not agree with) and creating feelings of betrayal was never a part of this person’s intention. 

What a strange aha.  As I contemplate current circumstances, I have come to a point where I can forgive this person from 10-years ago whom I disliked immensely for many years and for many reasons.  Certainly, trust was broken, we are no longer friends, and I have many unanswered questions.  What brings me some peace is that this person’s action was never intended to hurt me or others.  This is betrayal unknown.  Do the right things for the right reasons, some people may get hurt en route.  What is “right” for some, may not be for others.  So now, I grieve and mourn a loss.

That is all… It’s not a happy blog entry today… but strangely, it has given me some happiness.  The greatest gift I can give myself is forgiveness.  I forgive the person from 10-years ago and I forgive myself.  Thank you Bloggies for reading.