Introverted Self

Talk about embarking on an part of my being that I am totally unfamiliar with… INTROVERSION. It is certainly not my strength. I have great admiration of those who are introverted. These people will perform when they need to, but I am envious of them that they are able take a moment for themselves, read a book, or be in a state of silence for some length of time. I do not claim that I am not one of these people. Resistant for years, I have to come to terms with my introverted self.

For those who know me, I am an extrovert. According to Myers-Briggs, I am an ESTJ… an extroverted thinker. That’s my strength. I guess that’s why I love doing what I’m doing on various boards I serve on. It’s a collaborative effort. Voices are heard and decisions are made. I learn best working with people. I love listening, connecting, and dialoguing with others. Writing a dissertation is not an extroverted experience. It’s somewhat isolating, which makes me exceptionally UNCOMFORTABLE.

For years I wanted to create learning community for my doctoral work. Not sure what I was thinking, but I wanted the learning experience to be interactive and engaging. I have my EdD cohort, supervising team, and EdD Sunshine Coast Sub-Cohort to connect with, but I spend much of my time in my head. Too much thinking and not doing… the learning experience is self-directed and I was challenged by it.

Aside from experiencing the self-inflicted barriers of perfectionism and imposter syndrome, I did not have the faith or confidence if I could write my dissertation by myself. It’s amazing how our stories hold us back, which reminds me of my Dad’s book of memoirs. He struggled with the English language and catered many of his life’s decisions based on this perceived weakness. Hello??? He wrote a book!!! I could not put the book down. I loved reading about his lived experiences and him telling his story. He conquered his fear of reading and writing at the age of 75.

For me, I’m almost 45. I feel that my Dad and I have lead similar journeys with respect to the English language. Reading and writing are not my preferred modes of communication. After reading my Dad’s book, I was inspired to work on my dissertation with a different mindset. I have a learning community and I am not alone. Thank you to all those who participated in my pilot test, helped me learn, and provided unconditional support. I can convey my ideas and engage in a quiet way. Getting comfortable with the discomfort. Being introverted is a gift.