Digital Debris – Year in Review

Week 94 – January 2, 2022 – Pivot Please

Wow. The biggest ask of 2021 (and 2020). This time, the pivoting was personal (and 2020 was professional). First question, to keep my website or ditch my website… that is the question. Two-authenticator + new phone + lack of digital literacy + website under attack by cyber creeps = everybody is locked out. I do feel lucky to have access to my blog via phone app but it’s not “real access” to my website. I’m embracing the idea of DIGITAL DEBRIS for 2022. I’m still paying for my URL and I’m blogging. Everything else will remain static until I have the time to figure things out.

I’ll continue blogging until the pandemic is over. The Omicron variant has taken the pandemic into the fifth wave. It’s Week 94 and my word for 2022 is COMMIT. I’m going to do this. I’ll blog. I like blogging. It’s a good way for me to reflect. WRITING IS THINKING. My friend share that with me earlier this year and I could not agree more. I think it will be different from blogging from my phone versus my laptop. I’m interested to see what I’ll learn from blogging with my thumb versus my sub par QWERTY skills. To be discussed later.

Reflecting on 2021 is somewhat horrifying but also liberating. Pivoting is not something to be resisted but embraced. The pandemic has forced me to reflect on what’s important to me, but also take the time to critically reflect on myself and how I am leading my life. This reflective process brought me to some conclusions I never wanted to face, but also ones I needed to face to move forward.

I will say, I have never felt more like myself in a long time. This feels great. I am really understanding who I am as a person and I am willing to step back or push back to ensure my values are not compromised and I am not betraying myself in such a way that I would lose myself again. It’s a horrible feeling to feel so detached from who I am and always in a place of self doubt and uncertainty. This level of insecurity led to many moments of self doubt but also giving myself away to other people’s needs and wants. I’m worth more than that and I needed to understand that.

Ongoing feelings of unmerited unworthiness, experiencing lateral violence, walking away from toxic relationships, saying goodbye to my pet (Sally), driving a UHaul truck, and moving away from my home and community of 25-years were painful moments this year. It was a slow boil for this frog that I had to get out. Now I feel peace and calm like I never did before but also I am learning more about my self-efficacy, value, and self-worth. I feel great and I’m so happy that my kid opted to move with me and rebuild our relationship.

The more that I am understanding and believing in myself, stand in my two-feet, and welcome the life and support of my friends and family, I can be open to feedback and embrace the struggle snd opportunities for growth, personal and professional. My new place is starting to feel like home and my kid is feeling more like herself. I will not compromise myself for others and I will give myself credit where credit is due. I was so happy to end the year publishing my first single authored manuscript about my practice and program evaluation. An accomplishment I am super proud of but also super grateful for the people who helped me along the way.

I am truly blessed. And even though we are pivoting again due to the Omicron variant and the pandemic persists onto year 3, I am so grateful for the time and space it offered me to reflect, reimagine, and take action. I can do this and I never felt more stronger and able. I look forward to 2022 and embracing my one-word, COMMIT. It’s time to commit and I’m ready to do so. Look out world… I’m coming.