You Just Don’t Know
“You just don’t know… people’s stories.” – CYH
This was a big ah-ha for me tonight. You just don’t know people’s stories. I am so grateful to come to that conclusion tonight. It brought me some solace. My head was spinning. I chose a direction in my life and I’m walking towards an unknown destination. When making a BIG decision, I naturally second guess myself and wonder what’s just around the corner as if I could predict the future. I imagine an infinite number of possibilities (or trajectories) while trying to rationalize my BIG decision. In the end, it doesn’t matter. My family is happy with my decision. I feel good about my decision. And, the world just keeps moving along in spite of my decision. My two school trustee colleagues made me realize this tonight. I’m back to that serendipitous mindset where things happen for a reason and it happened tonight.
Yesterday I even tried to learn more about myself to determine if I made the “right” decision. I have done this test before, but tried it again just to be sure. I completed another Myers Briggs test. This time I answered either STRONGLY AGREE or STRONGLY DISAGREE to get definitive results. As anticipated, I was ENTP-T. 15 years ago, I was an ESTJ. Your type is known to change over time, but I wonder about the influence of workspace or work environment on one’s preferences. Anyhow, I was not surprised… except for the hyphenated T. I was unfamiliar with this preference and it means “turbulent” versus “assertive.” I am 60:40. Turbulent sounds terrible, but I do second guess my actions. As my colleague said tonight… “You do like to analyze things.” This is true, the NT part of my Myers Briggs. And yes, I am (E) extroverted and love being around people and yes… I prefer my freedom (P).
So, what’s my point. My head was in a SPIN. I guess this is “turbulent” part of me in full force and I was engaging with others to make sense of the direction I am heading in. I have no definitive answers or thoughts even though others may. I am eliminating options I’ve acquired since leaving teaching high school math 6 years ago. I wanted to know what was possible. I wanted to understand more about education and the education system. And, I wanted to explore what I was passionate about. I had always admired vendors at the craft fair who were passionate about their craft. I called it “their jam.” Jam meaning preserved fruit, a metaphor for their love. I’ve always wanted to wrap my head around that concept of passion. For example, my friend made tables. I never understood why he loved making these tables with his friend. He told me it wasn’t the tables per se. It was more than that.
My blog tonight reminds me of the elastic band around the wrist for high performance athletes. If they find themselves in a mindset and have to break the thought, they just snap the elastic on their wrist. I felt like that just happened to me tonight with Lori and Pamm. I am so grateful. The mental spin stopped. They started talking about something and I had no idea what they were talking about. They started to share their stories and thoughts on the matter and all I could do was laugh. I was such in disbelief and for these two it was common knowledge. I could not believe what they were telling me. I was hysterical because I could not comprehend what they were telling me. I did not get it. I could not understand it. The more they talked about the topic, the more I laughed. Then I thought about it some more. At that moment, my mind was onto thinking about other things and realizing that we don’t know people… really… not their whole story. So, who am I to judge?
This was so liberating. I loved having a good laugh. I could not stop giggling and shouting “no way.” I still shake my head as I type this blog. That said, my mind shifted. I feel at peace with my decision and let it go to the universe. Things are meant to happen as they are suppose to happen. Surrender. You can’t control outcomes or other people. You can only control yourself and how you perceive things. You don’t know people’s stories. We think we do and believe we do, but that’s the lie.